There is little doubt that having a difficult conversation is tough, regardless of whether you are the most experienced leader or a new manager. So how best should you deal with that situation you know needs to be dealt with in an authentic way, but you have been putting off for too long?
In my experience, the best outcomes are achieved by dealing with tricky situations as soon as they arise. Be proactive because the sooner you deal with a challenge the better. So, have that conversation early, without letting the problem linger or fester or get out of control. Putting it off for another day usually makes the situation worse.
Then, if you know the conversation is going to happen get ready for it. Good preparation will make managing the situation easier for you. Try to control where and when it is going to happen, so be sure you know about who is and isn’t going to be around; also, the time of day and location can be critical. Knowing how to start and having key phrases to hand can be really useful.
It is absolutely critical that everyone is honest during the conversation, particularly you as the leader. Whilst knowing the truth can be challenging, deep down most of us want to hear it. Be kind, empathetic and consistent in how you deliver honesty but don’t shy away from it.
Support the honest conversation with fair, clear and evidenced examples of the issue(s) at hand. Make the conversation as objective and fact based as possible to ensure clarity. If you can, share a range of evidence that might have emerged over time from different sources. Avoid the flippant and/or subjective comments that can make emotions rise. Avoid, “I feel like …”.
Next, work with someone you trust (and who preferably is not vested in the situation) to rehearse the conversation; getting feedback on your approach and potential responses can be great preparation. Preparing your tone and body language will help too. The more effort you put into practicing and thinking through the range of responses you might face, the more likely you will achieve the required outcome.
And, finally, take time. Time to prepare, time in the conversation (in particular, to listen to different points of view), and then time afterwards to treat everyone with humility and respect. Be sure you follow up properly with everyone involved so they are all aware that the business cares about the challenge and is determined to get to the right resolution.
Ultimately, the tough conversation has to be had for the good of the business and the individual and, potentially, a range of colleagues, so making an “ephert” can be the most pain free way to get to the right outcome for everyone in the round.